Scared
by Bach91
Summary: After the previews, the gang goes to a bar. Karen takes a little break from everyone. First story, bad at summarys, blablabla... hope you like it.
1. Scared

She reached the door of her hotel room, but her hand didn't turned the knob. Karen stayed there, looking at her hand, feeling like everything that happened in the past 24 hours was just a horrifying dream. Last night she was a nobody, a chorus-girl, a bride-to-be. Her life was good, not perfect of course, but also not the Broadway-style mess that it was that night. In twenty-four hours she managed to: get the leading role of a brilliant - yet raw - musical, lose her fiancé, learn in 9 hours what Ivy - her second most hated person on the planet - spent several months studying, have a meltdown a couple hours before the preview of said musical and, for the surprise of 99% of the people involved, get a standing ovation from the entire audience. Like, really? That was way more stress that she ever though she could handle. But there she was, with a broken heart and the role of a life-time.

With a deep breath she finally opened the door and made a run for the bathroom, leaving a trail of bags, clothes and jewelry on the way. She needed a shower, a really cold one actually. After the show, everyone of the cast decided to go to a bar near the hotel in order to take the edge off a little bit. She went along (like the star of the show could miss on that? She was only glad that they didn't make her do shots) but when she noticed they were too drunk to notice her absence, she took her first opportunity to get on a cab and left. She saw Ivy stuck in a corner in a booth, they didn't speak at all after the show, actually the blond girl didn't say a word to anyone in the bar, self-absorbed as she was on her own issues. Karen saw her roommate having a very intimate conversation with some random guy at the bar, so she was pretty sure that she would be alone in the hotel room until the next morning. She loved them, even though she knew that they were more on Ivy's side then hers, without Bobby, Jessica, Sue and the other ensemble members, her journey would have been way harder than it already was. And yes, even though Eileen, Tom and Julia were totally against Derek's choice of Marilyn, she didn't resent them for it. They were concerned about the show and, after all the dramas and hardships they went through, who wouldn't go for the experienced one instead of the "green" one? She was having a good time, but she was also confused, tired and emotionally wrecked. She needed a break.

The most exhausting part was avoiding that little part of her mind, annoyingly insisting on the thought of one charming and seducing director. No matter what she did, the Dark Lord always found a way back into her thoughts. After finding out about Dev and Ivy's little adventure, she was upset, hurt... pissed off really. Although she was not entirely surprised. Karen wasn't dumb, she noticed before how he's relationship with RJ was getting more and more intimate, they were growing apart since she started to work on Bombshell, since she started to get closer to her dream and Dev wasn't so much in control anymore. And... that's it. She got heartbroken, she had a stupid melt down in the middle of rehearsals, and after 4 or 5 hours it didn't bothered her anymore, her pride healed. Just like that, the longest romantic relationship she ever had stayed in the past, with memories of Christmas mornings and family dinners.

But those words. That side of Derek that she never got the chance to see before, or her judgment of him always clouded her vision when it came to the director's emotional side. "I do understand love". Nothing that Dev ever said to her was so confusing and gentle as much as those four words were. Those words didn't leave her mind since he spoke them. His hands on her hips, his breath on her ear. They were so close, not just physically (like when they danced, and the effect his presence caused on her was so intimidating she couldn't seem to relax), she felt the truth behind his words, she didn't sense that wall that was always blocking his emotions from everyone else to see. If it was not for the shock of Derek Wills given Karen Cartwright a pep talk before her last song, she would turn around and just melt into his arms. But after that brief moment of intimacy, Linda came to announce her entrance. Derek gave a reassuring smile and left, leaving Karen with a charade she was far from understanding. Except for a quick "congratulations" hug when the curtains were down, she didn't see him again.

The shower took more than it should. Karen left the bathroom with her white robe, shivering from the cold water. She laid in her bed, her still wet hair leaving dark circles in her pillow. Covering herself with her sheets, as she closed her eyes she saw his image getting clearer. His messy hair, his arrogant smile, his perfect-sculpted face. She saw every detail, to the point she could see his piercing eyes filled with lust and desire, the way they were when she was on top of him, on his couch, looking at her as a predator would look at its prey. That night she teased a man who is used to have what he wants. She played with fire, that Karen was well aware. For a second (minute, maybe), she wanted it, wanted him. Of course she did. Which sane woman wouldn't? But still, Karen denied that persistent felling of excitement she felt whenever he was around. She pretended she didn't feel the need to close the distance between them whenever they got alone in a room. Back then, Dev was there to prevent anything from happening... and now she had no excuses.

Soon, she could smell his perfume. Or she thought it was his perfume, there was no way he could smell that good on his own. But then again, he was Derek Wills. Karen got scared. She was getting crazy over her BOSS. She always thought of him as the distant famous director, who would be there for her in case she needed a one-night stand. Now she was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance of him actually liking her, not as much as she liked him, but on a non-professional-only manner. That scared her. She knew that as soon as she gave in to these feelings, she would be done. As soon as he got rid of her to be with some other chorus-girl or movie star, she could never recover.

Derek made her feel like she never knew what love is until the moment they met. And yes, she loved him. Too much for her own good. And she was scared. Scared of him, of his charm, of his womanizing manners. She wanted that feeling to go away. And for the hundredth time, she felt asleep wishing Derek was there, assuring her that everything would be okay.


	2. I Want You

_**Author's note:** Sooo, I wasn't going to continue the story, but I got some ideas and... well... they turned to be not that bad._

* * *

She couldn't breathe. The fog was too thick. It was blocking her view. Where was she? It was so dark, was it still night time? Silence. Was anybody there?

Karen was starting to freak out when she heard footsteps. They started as a very distant and weak sound, but whoever was with her in that horror movie scenario was coming her way. The steps were confident, fast, louder by the second, as if the person could see her lost shape in disregard of all that white fog around them. She hadn't seen the person's face yet, but she knew who was approaching. Her heart was beating like it wanted to jump out of her chest, her hands were shaking, her legs were like big heavy stones. She couldn't breathe. Her brain was screaming and sending orders to her limbs to move, to run, to hide, to do _anything_... but she couldn't. She wanted to see him, and this wish was more powerful than any rational thoughts that may have crossed her mind.

And yes. It was the infamous Derek Wills. His casual messy self, with a bored face, a sarcastic smile and a predator look. The air around them changed. Now she could see better, but her breathing was still uneven. He kept walking towards her, but in a more controlled rhythm. He was being cautious, the way he was whenever he felt they were starting to get too close. Karen had already noticed that pattern: whenever they shared a moment of intimacy, whenever she felt that the chemistry of their dance was about to make her burst into flames... he avoided her for days, he treated her like any other chorus girl, making her doubt that he cared about her at all. Karen always thought that he's attitude was in consideration for Dev and Ivy, or even for Rebecca, but now she felt like he was only teasing her, secretly laughing at her naive and insecure nature. She was tired of that! They were alone, they weren't chained to anyone else anymore. She wanted him to look at her like he did when they were pretending to be Monroe and DiMaggio, she wanted him to hold her, touch her, make her forget about the other 6 billion people around the world. Karen was about to scream for him to stop treating her like a toy which he could easily lose interest over night, when he stopped at only an arm's length away.

"You look pissed", he said as if they were just meeting on the street before entering the theater.

"Well, I am", she tried to copy his tone but there was still a resentful air in her voice.

"Well darling, you shouldn't mess your beautiful face for such a spiteful person like me".

"Who said I'm pissed at you?"

He stepped closer to her. "I can read you like a book Karen. You're scared, but not of me. You're scared of us". His hand reached her face, his fingers slowly caressing her cheek, almost touching the sensitive spot behind her ear. "You're scared of the consequences".

She couldn't take her eyes of his. The darkness in them were dragging her closer and closer to him. Somehow her voice was still audible. "Can you blame me? You treat the people around you as the puppets you use to plan your choreographies. Since I've known you I've seen you treat women as disposable toys without feelings. The only thing you care about is to keep the show going, the play is bigger than all of us. It doesn't matter who you hurt, what you break, as long as you reach your goals". Tears were trying to escape her eyes, but she couldn't let them. She was finally able to take those words that were buried deep down her chest and shove them in his face, the one that put them there. She wasn't going to play the part of the hysterical little girl that couldn't deal with her emotions. "That's who you are, a director."

His smile dropped. The look on his face was unreadable. "Yes, I am. But the thing about love, darling, is that we cannot control it. So you may try to run, to describe every single reason why this is wrong, but you won't make this feeling go away." His eyes were know following his fingers, that were tracing the lines of her lips, while his other hand was on her hips. "Actually, the more you try to go against it, the more you want it."

"We're too different from each other Derek!", she was almost begging. "It'll never work! And if I let myself think we can be together... I won't...".

"Say it".

Her answer was barely a whisper. "I don't want to lose you".

He smiled again. "We're not that different. We are both driven by our careers. We both want to be stars, you on center of the stage and I behind the curtains. But that doesn't mean we don't want someone to go home to, it just mean that we need someone that understands and accept us for who we are". His face was getting closer. She felt that her body was able to move again, but she didn't want to. All she wanted was to stay in his arms, while he putted her back together, making her feel whole again, alive like she'd never been before. "We understand each other, Karen. Isn't that enough to convince you to give us a chance?".

Her name on his lips was the most beautiful song she'd ever heard. "You didn't answer my question".

"It wasn't a question darling".

By then Karen wasn't even sure of what she was saying. "I don't want to lose you".

"You'll never lose me". And for the first time Karen saw Derek Wills hesitate. "You're the only one to ever reach my heart".

She close the distance between them. She couldn't hold it anymore. The moment their lips touched it was the downfall for both of them. So many hours, days, months of denial. Her arms went up to his neck pulling him close to her, while his hands went down her back holding her close. He kissed her with tenderness at first, but it wasn't enough. She wanted more. When he started to make a trace of kisses down her neck, she knew she was doomed. And she didn't care.

A buzzing sound started to ring on her head. She open her eyes, and she noticed her hotel room. She forgot to turn off her alarm on the previous night. Her pillow was still a little wet since she didn't really dry her hair after half an hour under the shower.

The door opened, and her roommate appeared with smeared makeup and the same outfit she was using on the bar 8 hours ago.

"Karen?", her voice clearly showing she didn't have enogh time to recover from her hangover. "Why are you up already? We have the morning off today, remember? Thank God...", she threw herself onto her bed and Karen couldn't hear what her roommate was saying anymore. After a couple of minutes the half-asleep girl raised her head. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. And then hope for the Dark Lord to be in a good mood today".


End file.
